Tea for Two

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Phd.

The name is self explanatory. I didnt even realize I had already named him until my co author pointed out that I'd only been calling him Phd. Moving on, this date was in one word, boring. He is quite the tea fan so we met for afternoon tea in lovely Santa Monica. I was late as usual. Now the thing is, the conversation was flowing fine, but the poor guy was nervous as hell. I think some people just need to take a shot before a first date. Tequila, BAM! Nerves gone.

I dont know how to describe the facial expression he was making. It was sort of a nervous twitch with his mouth, or rapid eye movement... i dont know it was just awkward. And I could see the poor guys hand shaking when he picked up his cup :(

And he kept staring at my chest when i sat down, mind you I was not wearing any sort of cleavage revealing outfit. Odd, strange. They can seem so normal through a computer screen.

Sadly this date reminded me of how picky I am and of how well Beard and I hit it off. On another note, my crush (who for now i'll still just call 'my crush') managed to get my phone number from a mutual friend and we engaged in some flirtatious texting this week. It was nice.

I assume this is the last we'll here about Phd. so.... NEXT!

Snooze You Lose

Im not sure why I even bother blogging about this guy. But I guess Im due for an update.
"They call me... STASH." No, no, i know what your thinking, but that is not the nickname. This guy required no nickname in my opinion.. because his name is STASH. Yes like moustache, but no, he did not have one.
Here's the thing, I hate people who flake. More than that I hate people that can't even call you to flake, but send a flake email. What the hell man? AND, if you are flaking on a date, you better be on top of the reschedule! And don't act all surprised when when you get denied after waiting too long. Whose time are we wasting? Definitely not mine!

A Year in Review

Things I will keep from 2009:

Giving someone a second, or even third chance isn't always a bad idea. You can be pleasantly surprised by the changes they make, as I was with Nomad. But I still wouldn't recommend it. After all, if someone screws you over three or four times and you go back to them, you're going to be the butt of someone's joke. In fact you may end up on this very blog!

Slow and steady may, actually, win the race. At first, I was not on board with Superhero Gangster's approach to dating. Really? You want to know me as a friend first? Nothing else? And there's no deadline on this? It could last for how many months? Sweet fancy Moses! (If you can name that reference, you get a cookie!). But it turns out that it wasn't bad at all. While Superhero Gangster was doing what he felt he needed to do, I got to hang out with him and just be myself. There was no pressure, just a little awkwardness in the beginning. I flirt with guys I like, after all, so I had to be a bit more conscious of that. But after that was over, it was smooth sailing, and lo and behold! Here he comes seven months later asking me on a date.

Go with your gut. If the guy is creepy once, he'll probably creep all over you again. So don't chance it! Same with aggression and flakiness. Ah lessons learned.... man Minor League II was creepy!

Even if you consider yourself an excellent judge of character, as I do, you can still be deceived. I never knew the demons Benny and the Jets was facing, and what the underlying reasons for his crazy behavior were. Some men just hide it really well.

Some guys are actually really straight forward and tell you exactly what's going on and what they're thinking. Ferrell was this way - he was old enough to know how he should act with a 22-year-old, so it makes sense. I appreciate the qualities so much more after being with him for 5 months. What he told me in the beginning was just what happened in the end. I should have trusted his words more.

Lastly, fuck people who consistently suck. I have no love for that man anymore, he doesn't even deserve a nickname. He has screwed me over so many times and we haven't dated in years and years. Some people are just toxic. Cut them out. Life isn't long enough to deal with them.

No more Nomad

There were many times whilst dating Nomad that I wondered why I was doing this all over again, and maybe you wondered too. Why would I choose to be with someone who had hurt me so much in the past and had been so selfish? I'm sure there are a great number of reasons for this that I'm not considering, but I can think of three biggies: 1. I really continued to care about him; 2. I was somewhat optimistic about what our future could be; and 3. The timing was better this time than it had been in the past.

So I allowed myself to feel for Nomad again, and he absolutely did a 180 - He was caring, attentive, calm, and loving. He knew he had to make up for what he had done, and he did this very well. But every day I had doubts about whether I should trust Nomad again, and if I was as committed to this relationship as he was. I had some slack on this aspect though; why the hell should I try so hard or not be cautious when I had been so deceived over the last two years? So, I kept him at arms length in a lot of ways, and remained upfront with him about my reservations. I didn't want to be his "girlfriend", because I still had feelings for Superhero Gangster and I wasn't sure how long it would take me to forgive Nomad.

It wasn't until two back-to-back events in the last few weeks, however that I felt forced to make a decision. After speaking with my beloved therapist, I realized I hadn't gotten over what Nomad had done, especially his escapades in South America after kissing me, and various other crap. If I couldn't reconcile things like this over the past 5 months of dating, there wasn't much of a chance in me doing so in the future. This was event #1.

#2 occurred only one day later. After playing poker with Superhero Gangster and some of his friends, he made a move. Yep, after 7 months of being friends as per his request and just hanging out with nothing romantic, he wanted to go on a date, and pursue this further. Why did it take him so long and what switched? Well, wouldn't ya know, it happened in the seasonal section of Target, one of the best places on Earth. I said to him, "If I ever meet the girl who screwed you up [and made him decide to stop dating girls for a year] I'm going to punch her in the face. She ruined you for other women." I thought it was fairly innocent as my comments go, but he took it to heart. He explained to me that night after poker that he realized how much this girl was influencing him, negatively, and how it stopped him from dating me for such a long time, along with his desire to be friends first. He also told me how much he liked me, and how he was now afraid that he may have missed the boat.

So what's a girl to do? Two great guys - one with a history that kicks my ass ever day or one with a clean slate? One who is head over heals in love with me or one who knows me just as a friend? I was so terrified of breaking Nomad in half with ending things, and told him just that long ago when he really started opening up to me. But many of my friend told me that I need to be selfish about this. I couldn't just pretend that these doubts didn't exist to pacify Nomad. So ya, i did cut the cord with him, because I had to do it for myself. I had to consider my sanity and see if things with Superhero Gangster would go anywhere. I owed it to myself. And I couldn't be sorrier to do that to Nomad. People mention payback and Karma and act like he deserves it for being such an idiot in the past, but I can't view it that way. When you hurt someone so deeply, you should take it to heart.

I Have a Crush

:)
Truth is, this crush dates back to almost a year ago! I love that true blue crush feeling. Makes me like a giddy school girl.
2010 is looking to be a busy year! Let's hope I can find some time for dating!